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Taking a Sad Song, Making it Better

~ Discovering joy amid pain

Taking a Sad Song, Making it Better

Category Archives: Authors

In Thanksgiving for Literature and Literary Spots

08 Wednesday Nov 2017

Posted by purdywords in 30 Days of Thanks, 30 Days of Thanksgiving, Authors, Books, Chasing Dreams, Memories, Peace, Reading, Thankfulness, Writing

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#30DaysofThanks, 30 Days of Thanks, Books, Bookstores, Creativity, Giving Thanks, Gratitude, Inner peace, Inspiration, Libraries, Life lessons, Literature, Living intentionally, Memories, Peace, Poetry, Poets, Reading, Seeking joy, Writing

I lived in books more than I lived anywhere else. ~Neil Gaiman

 

Truth: When I was a young girl, I had recurring nightmares about being caught inside a burning house and not escaping until I could figure out how to save my books. This revelation quite possibly tells you enough about me that I should stop writing now! Nevertheless, I persist in written expression of my deepest gratitude to all the authors of the literature I have read over my lifetime and for those I can hardly wait to read. Interwoven into thanksgiving for books, I am eternally grateful for the peace I feel every time I enter a library or bookstore. So much so, that I will forever seek out literary spots wherever life finds me and take a piece of their shelves home with me in eager anticipation of visiting the world of words set between the pages of each and every gift of a book.

Just for fun, here is a sampling of some of my favorite bookstores I have encountered in my travels and places I have lived:

  • Brookline Booksmith, Brookline, MA:  https://www.brooklinebooksmith.com/
  • Mitchell’s Book Corner, Nantucket Island, MA:  http://www.mitchellsbookcorner.com/
  • Paragraphs Bookstore, Mt. Vernon, OH:  https://paragraphsbookstore.indielite.org/
  • The Book Loft of German Village, Columbus, OH:  http://bookloft.com/
  • The Book Nook & Java Shop, Montague, MI:  http://www.thebooknookjavashop.com/
  • The Kenyon College Bookstore, Gambier, OH:  https://www.shopkenyon.com/

Please, leave a comment and tell me about your favorite bookshops!

 

Some books leave us free and some books make us free. ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

 

This, too, Shall Pass. One Day, it will

08 Saturday Oct 2016

Posted by purdywords in Authors, Change, Infertility, Miscarriage, Motherhood, National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Month, Peace, Personal Challenges, Personal health, Reading, Seasons, SIDS, Tough days

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Books, Challenges, Miscarriage, National Infant and Baby Loss Memorial, National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Month, Peace, Reading, SIDS, The Past

“We do not have control over many things in life and death but we do have control over the meaning we give it.” ― 

Nathalie Himmelrich, Grieving Parents: Surviving Loss as a Couple

For over a decade now, I’ve scoured the shelves of my local library and bookstores for the types of literature that speak of women’s suffering—especially, the stories of women who have grieved over losing a child. In 2004, I found myself part of a community that I did not want to belong to, a reluctant joiner. Reading about how other woman had lost their babies didn’t make me more depressed about my miscarriages, no. Knowing I was not alone, that support existed, and that my feelings, experiences, physical and emotional wounds, and attitude about what I was going through were quite normal—all of it became an integral part of my healing journey. Our stories, no matter how painful they may be, need to be shared.

Miscarriage and infertility have affected me in dire ways. When I lost my first child, I knew I would never be the same. Honestly, I thought I would never get over the physical, not to mention, emotional toll losing her did to me. It wrecked me so. Yet, I survived it, five times more, even.

Today, I can reflect on the journey and realize, that with each baby loss, my capacity for compassion and empathy, tolerance and patience toward others, and myself, has grown in ways that may never have occurred if I hadn’t lost so much. The woman I am today is simultaneously stronger and softer, because of the suffering I have endured.

What I have learned along the way, with each subsequent baby loss, is that you must, must, must—only when you are ready—speak of your loss, share your story, and let your heart grieve in all the zig-zag ways it will. I’m so thankful for those book authors and bloggers I discovered, and for their courage to scratch open their wounds of baby loss to help me, and others like me, grieving a miscarriage and a child lost far too soon.

Once you open yourself up to the truth of your loss, you will begin to heal. You’ll cease feeling haunted by the what-ifs. What could I have done to prevent this? What should I have done differently? Will this happen again?

In sharing your story, you will find that you are not alone in the loneliest, most shockingly isolated time of your life. People will begin to open up about how miscarriage and infant loss has affected them, as well. You will discover that a friend of a friend has lost multiple children, too. That a college friend has lost a niece to SIDS. That your elderly neighbors lost their first child, and a set of twins, at six months along. Your best friend will struggle to get pregnant for the first time. She’ll go on to have a beautiful girl, and when ready to try again after a healthy pregnancy, she will struggle with secondary infertility and repeat miscarriages. Your college roommate, who lives 3,000 miles away from you, will text you a devastating message that she just lost her third, and she is giving up all hope of opening up her heart and womb to another chance at bringing life into the world.

You will begin to become jaded, thinking about nothing other than all of these gut-kicking losses—and how none of it makes any sense. All the suffering is overwhelming—just too much. Much too much. Though, you must find the will and the way to carry on.

This is where you allow the stories of so many other parents’ heartbreaking losses reach you, speak to you, guide, inform, and empower you to move on—although, forever changed. Prayer is a healer, too. (So is a little self-care and more frequent indulgences, such as luxurious bubble baths, weekly massage, an afternoon movie, Pilates and yoga class, and more nature hikes.)

One morning, you will wake up and find your footing and breath once again. You will gain strength, and surprise yourself with your resilience. Some of that resolve you will gather from your newfound community of loss. You will learn to reveal your pain in healthy ways, and begin to be able to offer comfort and support to others’ going through the nightmare of miscarriage, and losing a child. You will. You may not want to be the baby loss expert, but your loss has an enormous purpose, and your baby’s life has tremendous meaning—especially because he or she lived such a short time.

You can be brave and find treasure in the tragedy. You can turn your loss into hope for yourself and others. You can find a glimmer of hope in the murk of despair.

You will smile again. I promise you, you will. You will be able to face a shopping trip inside a mom- and baby-filled Target, and for once pass the baby section without bursting into tears. You will, one day, be able to stop sending regrets for the baby shower invites of beloved friends and family members growing their families without trouble or tragedy. You’ll one day want to hold those new infants in your arms, and will be able to without grief washing over you like a waterfall of despair. You will find yourself truly happy for your friends and family, and these new lives. You will.

Don’t rush the grieving process, though. You take your time, knowing you’ll get to a place of peace and hope in your way. One day—you will. Maybe not today, maybe not even by next October. However, one day—your day—will come. I promise you that.

What has helped you reach a level of peace and hope after losing a child?

 

 

Blog hop

30 Tuesday Jul 2013

Posted by purdywords in "The Book", Authors, Blog Hop, Writing, Writing routine

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Tags

Blog Hop, Reading, Writing

Was it only by dreaming or writing that I could find out what I thought? ~ Joan Didion

 

Part of my writing practice involves searching for new writers and delighting in the discovery of the stories they have to tell. Scouring the internet for blogs and searching the shelves of my public library for inspirational words has been a hobby for over three decades now and one I’ll never grow tired of.  In my connecting online, I was happy to be given the opportunity to participate in a “blog hop” among writers, like myself, by author, Debbie LaCroix. I thought it would be fun to try something new on my blog!

 

What are you working on?

Presently, I’m working on a creative nonfiction account of the journey that led my husband and I to adopt our oldest daughter (referred to here on my blog as “The Girl”). Our story is unique, as we faced almost five years of infertility and I had four miscarriages before welcoming The Girl home. Two years followed before her adoption was finalized, and during that time, I became pregnant again, but carried to term for the first time, giving birth to “The Boy” after a rather difficult pregnancy. In the years since, I’ve had one more child and lost another. My hope is that my words will affirm and comfort other couples struggling with infertility and miscarriage, and inspires others to adopt—especially domestically and/or from foster care. When I’m not working on this book, I keep up my personal journal, write journals for each of my three children, and write poetry. I aspire to write about the challenges and joys involved in raising a child with multiple special needs, and dream about publishing a book of poetry.

 

How does your writing process work?

My writing process always begins with a free-writing exercise. Coming to the computer and first clearing my mind of the day’s clutter helps me to remain keenly focused on my story. Being a stay-at-home mother to three young children makes it difficult to find much time to write. So, I’ve become quite adept at squeezing writing in small pockets of time throughout the day. Finding more than an hour of uninterrupted time to write is a gift, and when I get large chunks of time like that, I relish in the delight of my luck and use it to my advantage by not wasting time away. Late at night, when everyone is sound asleep and the house is subdued and calm, is my favorite time to write and the time of day when I feel the most productive.

 

Who are the authors you most admire?

I would not be a writer today without being inspired by the magnitude of authors I have been privileged to read. Every week, I read at least one book, if not more. My husband says my reading addiction keeps me from writing more, and in a sense, he’s right. But, I just can’t help myself! Reading enriches my life and inspires me in countless ways. That being said, I enjoy reading a variety of genres and re-read classics and favorite stories, as well.

Some of my favorite authors include: Anne Lamott, Ann Patchett, William Wordsworth, William Shakespeare, Walt Whitman, Jodi Picoult, Anita Shreve, Leif Enger, Joan Didion, Dodie Smith, John Keats, Louisa May Alcott, Jane Austen, Sophie Kinsella, Jennifer Lauck, Heather Vogel Frederick, and Kate Morton. Every week, I look forward to discovering new favorite writers and stories.

Here is a similar list of some of the blogs I frequently spend time reading. Hop on over! I hope you find a new favorite author among these wonderful sites:

Hands Free Mama http://www.handsfreemama.com/

Hannah Nicole http://blog.imhannahnicole.com/

Heidi Hess Saxton http://heidihesssaxton.wordpress.com/about-2/about-heidi-hess-saxton/

Motherhood & Words http://motherhoodandwords.com/

Finding Joy http://rachelmariemartin.blogspot.com/

 

 

The Writer’s Way

29 Friday Mar 2013

Posted by purdywords in Authors, Writing, Writing routine

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Discipline, Routine, Writers, Writing

If I fall asleep with a pen in my hand, don’t remove it—I might be writing in my dreams. ~Terri Guillemets

 

On a crisp, invigorating after-dinner walk throughout my neighborhood, stretching across the main way and down the winding path carefully lined with trees and showcasing the nature sights and sounds of early spring, I thought a lot about routine and discipline. Around the house, I have my routine down. The kids and I have our daily expectations and good fun—we’re in the flow. My writing routine, however it starts the same, I’m lacking the discipline that finds me at my desk each and every day at the same time. I’m definitely getting better at it, but I know that I need to work diligently on putting forth more effort to reach my writing goals. A daily routine—one that is a set schedule would be ideal and comforting, to be honest. But the nature of writing when your main responsibility is to care for three young children won’t allow for such a luxury. So, without complaint and instead filled with eagerness to write more often, I’m learning to adjust expectations but without putting writing aside.

In thinking about how to better utilize my time and energy to write, I pondered the stories I’ve read before of famous writers and how they made the time to write and further thought that it would be beneficial to learn of the writing routines of not-so-famous writers, too—the discipline of today’s eager writers. The writers whose challenges are the same as mine. The writers struggling to make it as a writer. The writers who might turn out to be the authors our children will consider the great ones when they’ve reached adulthood. Do these everyday writers pour tea at home and reheat as needed as they wait for their laptop to warm up and beckon them to another blank screen? Do the mother-writers in our midst seek out a comfy coffee shop with an abundance of hot coffee to sip while their children are at school and it’s too quiet now to write at home? What of the background noise? I wonder if newbie writers listen to one soundtrack on shuffle and repeat as they type away. Or, perhaps they work better to a random Pandora station playing softly in the background, or maybe these writers type in silence except to the beat of the typical sounds of a home during the day? Who of you rise early in the morning to churn out a few pages before the first child awakes for breakfast? Perhaps, you prefer to write all through the night to the twinkling stars outside the windowpane free from all distractions or contact that might disrupt the free flow of words? Myself, I am constantly changing what I need in order to write. The space, time, and background are all dependent on the type of writing I’m working on and the mood and temperature of my busy home and family inside. My tea mug, however, is always the same.

These personal stories continue to amaze, interest, and intrigue me to no end. Why do they write? What surroundings are ideal to get their writing juices flowing? Are they quirky about their writing habits, intensely particular about their routine, even a little neurotic in their method?  In researching this very topic, I came across a blog from an author who turned his “Sunday afternoon idea” into a book about to be published on April 26, 2013. Mason Currey’s Daily Rituals, How Artists Work will celebrate the myriad of habits and routines of writers and other creative geniuses, presenting a unique window into their work spaces, and quite possibly, their inner-selves. You can read more about this highly anticipated book by visiting the author’s website at http://masoncurrey.com/daily-rituals. I, for one have just added Mr. Currey’s book to my must-read list at Goodreads and can’t wait for its debut.

I love a good writer’s story about personal diligence, duty, and discipline. And I want to read more of them! So, tell me. What’s the story behind your writing routine?

  • purdywords
    • 30 Days of Thanks, November 2020
    • How to Give Without Giving Yourself Away
    • Raising Awareness About Miscarriage & Pregnancy Loss

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