Tag Archives: Conquering fears

Giving Up Worry for Lent

08 Friday Mar 2019

Posted by in Lent, Personal Challenges

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That the birds of worry and care fly over your head, this you cannot change, but that they build nests in your hair, this you can prevent.” 

– Chinese Proverb

Anxiousness has journeyed with me for as long as I can remember, for various reasons, becoming crippling at certain points in my life as I endured tremendous personal and inescapable hurdles. I’ve wasted many hours of my life wishing I was more nonchalant, blasé, even less caring, hoping I would one day wake up and naturally be easy-going, unfettered, and without the constant heavy-laden feel of the chains of angst and emotion dragging me down. After too many years of resistance, I’ve fully accepted all that I am: sensitively hardwired, overly empathetic, easily bothered by difficult matters, worn thin by tending to others and ignoring myself, overly attached, and emotionally driven. No longer do I care or agree that these traits of mine are flaws—they are not—even if these characteristics set me up to be more prone to anxiety, worry, and distress.

Parenting has surely contributed a new dimension to my anxious state by adding more fears to grip my mind and cling upon my heart. One of my greatest wishes for my children is that they are freed of any type of ongoing anxiety and worry about nonsense. Living free of the type of anxiety that has plagued me would enhance their happiness quotas and ensure they are living their best lives, peacefully. The innocent, beautiful, impressionable hearts and minds of my children are one of the prime reasons I’ve been working so hard for so many years to eradicate the disease of worry in my own life. If I can conquer this feat with my faith as the guiding light, then I know in my heart of hearts I can accomplish anything I set my mind to.

Along with the strength, love, and support of my endearing husband, I also have an amazing therapist in my corner. With each consecutive appointment, I’m learning to loosen the grips of control, worry, and anxious despair and improving upon my ability to cling on to hope, love, and the promises of my faith. But, man. It’s a daily struggle.

“Every tomorrow has two handles. We can take hold of it with the handle of anxiety or the handle of faith.” – Henry Ward Beecher

Last month, as I began contemplating my 2019 Lenten journey, I kept envisioning being set free from my anxieties, no longer shackled by the chains of fear, finally wearing the wings of freedom instead of continually fretting about the past and over the future. Longing for the ability to remain in the present and to take on the mountain I’ve been slowly ascending my entire life, I made the decision to give myself the gift of tackling my biggest roadblock to happiness: the trifecta of control, worry, and fear of the unknown.

Most of us who are anxious by nature like to be in control. When we face a situation that is beyond our control, we often begin to worry.”  – Gary Zimak

Being the reader that I am, I began searching for a self-paced Lenten guide. My research led me to Gary Zimak’s Give Up Worry for Lent. It happened that shortly after it was revealed to me worry was all I needed to sacrifice this Lent, I was in the Marian Gift Shop of my church home, and Mr. Zimak’s book was set out for the Lenten display. Without hesitation, I bought the book then and there. As I was driving to an exercise class only a few days later, I heard Mr. Zimak speaking on the local Catholic radio station to promote his book and take calls from listeners on the very topic of worry. (I thought my anxious state was rare. Unfortunately, it seems as if I’m part of a majority group, sadly so.) For all these reasons, I knew my quiet contemplation (a result of my Lenten focus from last year) brought me to the right focus for my inner-state this year. I’m a flawed individual, yet wonderfully made, and I’m trying to harmonize all that I am made to be.

I’d love to know (please comment):

What is your Lenten focus this year?

What areas of your inner-being would you like to refine, refocus, or renew?

What has been your greatest Lenten sacrifice?

 

“When I look back on all these worries, I remember the story of the old man who said on his deathbed that he had had a lot of trouble in his life, most of which had never happened.” 

– Winston Churchill

Seeking joy in the present moment

11 Wednesday Oct 2017

Posted by in Inspiration, Journaling, Love, Motherhood, Peace, Personal Challenges, Personal health, Perspective, Seasons, Stress & Anxiety, Suffering, Tough days

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“If you carry joy in your heart, you can heal any moment.” ~ Carlos Santana

 

When you feel anxious waiting for a call from your child’s doctor with his or her test results, what eases your stress? When a family member, living hours away, is sick again with the symptoms of his or her chronic mental illness, what can you do to effectively help them through the trial? When you’re feeling less confident in your abilities to weather the storms of motherhood while the days, weeks, years go by, how do you pick yourself up from your bootstraps and carry on for the good of your family? How do you decide to embrace all the hardships of your life, acknowledging tough days and challenges are here to stay, while attempting to seek joy for yourself in the present moment?

~

Today, I was overwhelmed by fear. (Rampant fears are the dirty little lies our minds tell us.) No matter what I did nor where I went, this nagging fear tracked me down. I couldn’t be rid of the mountainous despair despite my multitude of attempts to diffuse the lingering smoke surrounding me; I was left gasping and choking for breath. Acknowledging the named fear magnified the cloud; it clung to me. I wrote down the characteristics of my fear, though the words remained locked inside my core. Busying myself with mindless tasks only increased the solitude of my thoughts. Walking it out only intensified with the raciness of my heart, and the fear chained itself to my ankles, slowing my pace. Praying through it all was having ill-effect, opposite of what usually occurs.

Having had enough of this misplaced, ridiculous lingering fear, I ultimately chose to leave my Wednesday routine and unnecessary obligations to see if getting out of my rut would help at all to wander about my hometown for sunny solace and a change of pace. And you know what? Treating myself to an organic smoothie and favorite dish at a hip, local restaurant; writing in my journal amidst the hustle and bustle of other adults meeting and eating; feeling alive to the beat and vibrations of indie music and conversations surrounding me was the exact distraction my worried mind needed to reset and be relieved. Scrawling away while I awaited my delicious food, the entrapped words came out free and fluid, and I was able to write past the illogical thoughts I was harboring. A quick trip to my local library for a heap of new reads and to leisurely browse the stacks at-will only continued my newfound, released, inner-peace and I was overjoyed for the mental break.

On my way back home, refreshed and renewed, I realized it took such little effort to put myself first, for once, yet the benefits were tremendously rewarding and necessary. Especially in the darkened, tumultuous times of our personal lives, giving back to oneself is vital to maintaining the reserve and strength needed to weather the storms of the present day, and to face those unexpected, wrathful patterns no one can predict.

~

Please, find a concrete way to honor your heart today and you will feel the joy creeping back in–of that, I promise. If you’re going through a tough season, even if you’re feeling a little run-down or stuck in a rut of your own, try to remember to be kind to yourself and offer as much love to yourself as you shower upon those closest to your heart, for, you matter—every bit as much.

 

“Sorrow prepares you for joy. It violently sweeps everything out of your house, so that new joy can find space to enter. It shakes the yellow leaves from the bough of your heart, so that fresh, green leaves can grow in their place. It pulls up the rotten roots, so that new roots hidden beneath have room to grow.” ~ Rumi

A Song of Yourself

29 Thursday Sep 2016

Posted by in Change, Chasing Dreams, Intentional Living, Memories, Past, Peace, Personal Challenges, Personal health, Perspective, Simple Living

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I CELEBRATE myself, and sing myself,
And what I assume you shall assume,
For every atom belonging to me as good belongs to you.

I loafe and invite my soul,
I lean and loafe at my ease observing a spear of summer grass.

My tongue, every atom of my blood, form’d from this soil,
     this air,
Born here of parents born here from parents the same, and
     their parents the same,
I, now thirty-seven years old in perfect health begin,
Hoping to cease not till death.

~ excerpted from Walt Whitman’s “A Song of Myself”

 

Think back on a time when you were most confident in yourself. Brave, steady, self-assured. Maybe it was the you of your youth. Maybe you were the top of your class. Stand-out football player. Star cheerleader. The lead in every school play. Maybe it was the day you landed your first real job, or jingled the keys to your own place. Maybe it was the day you boarded a plane to a faraway destination to trek in a foreign land. Maybe it was when you discovered you were actually quite good at creating poetry and others often told you how talented you were, and that you should publish a little book.

What would it take for you to allow yourself to feel that type of courage and vitality once again?  To live and breathe for your true self? Do you miss some integral part of your identity from the past? Truly, have you ever felt happy and free? If yes, then take yourself back there. Relish in the delight of your childhood, your happy place, your favorite day. If you can honestly say that you’ve never had even one moment of pure happiness, nor felt free to be yourself, then today is the day to make that moment happen. No delay.

Remind yourself, what were you like as a child? What was it that could hold your attention for hours on end? Maybe you were a romantic star-gazer. Maybe you sought solace by hiding away from the rest of your family, cuddled under the safety of a warm blanket, comforted by the company of characters in a borrowed library book that you literally couldn’t stop thinking about. Maybe you kicked the soccer ball against the side of your childhood home to relieve some teenage angst, but found your feet were sort of lost without the black and white ball between them to maneuver into a game-winning goal. Maybe your life would be miserable without the cool, wet rain on your face as you clocked another ten-mile run on a back country road.

What would you do with your time if you had zero responsibilities to tackle today? What if you could gift yourself a day like that? One day of freedom to roam, play, and dream. How would you spend a day like that? Where would you go and what would you do? Go ahead, daydream a little. Now, seriously consider making this one day happen. All for you. It’s not selfish, it’s not. You deserve to feel this type of deeply held joy.

What if you could arrange to do that one thing you once enjoyed, but have lost along the way? Would you dare dream such a moment can be yours once again? What’s holding you back? Please, don’t allow fears to be the culprit. I’d imagine your loved ones would be more than willing to help. It matters to become reacquainted with a piece of your heart and identity that you’ve buried away to responsiblity, embarrassment, or feeling like there is no time or place for it in your adult life. My guess is, if you only asked a loved one for their guidance, suggestions, and help in planning your one, special day, that they’d be flattered and quite pleased to lead the charge.

Do yourself a favor: stop slighting you. Believe, instead. Conquer those fears, squelch that nay-saying voice, hush the negative opposition to your lifelong dreams, your hidden passions, your happiness, and rightful joy.

Go ahead. Dream again, and chase those passions once more. You only live once. (We all know this.) Give yourself permission to make it a good one. (I promise. You won’t be sorry.)

 

What dream are you chasing? In the past, how have you made your dreams a reality? Do you ever feel that fear, anxiety, responsibilities, a negative inner-voice, or other’s expectations hold you back from going after your true passions in life? How would you spend the gift of one day devoted to pursuing your definition of pure joy?