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Taking a Sad Song, Making it Better

~ Discovering joy amid pain

Taking a Sad Song, Making it Better

Tag Archives: Friendship

Expressing Gratitude for Unfailing Friendship

04 Saturday Nov 2017

Posted by purdywords in 30 Days of Thanks, 30 Days of Thanksgiving, Blessings, Friendship, Lifelong friends, Motherhood, Perspective, Prayer, Prayers, Thankfulness

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#30DaysofThanks, 30 Days of Thanks, Friendship, Gratefulness, Gratitude, Lifelong friends, Prayer

The bird a nest, the spider a web, man friendship. ~William Blake

 

Spending time on the couch this afternoon confiding in a dear friend about the woes and triumphs we face was time well spent. Wise beyond her years, my friend seems to always know what to say in a thoughtful and confident manner. She offers perspectives that are enlightening and encouraging, with empathetic words that affirm, restore, and uplift. Somehow, we get each other and always have been able to see the truth and value in the other. We pray and involve one another in our deepest of sorrows, most appalling revelations, and haunting moments of grief. Our rejoice is pure and exuberant for each other when happy times and blessed events are shared. Never do we take for granted the other, nor hold a grudge or make assumptions when long periods of absence by phone or visit are necessary. Although there is a great distance between us in calendar years, the gap is seamless. Over the years, we have grown in appreciation of and dedication to our friendship with one another and acknowledge that the companionship we’ve cultivated only continues to beautify with age. How utterly grateful I am to know a dear friend who accepts me as I am, and whom unceasingly blesses and nourishes me with her pure existence and genuine presence in my life. 

When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives mean the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand. The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares. ~Henri Nouwen

Inner-peace and perspective

24 Saturday Aug 2013

Posted by purdywords in Blessings, Friendship, Glorifying God, Lifelong friends, Love, Miscarriage, Peace, Prayers, Writing

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Blessings, Friendship, Gifts, Healing, Peace, Prayer, Writing

If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other.  ~Mother Teresa

Today is a new day and for this, I am glad.

Yesterday was equal parts tragedy and healing. The only way I came through it was by the prayers and heartfelt sentiments from my husband and beloved family and friends. Love surrounded me, engulfed my being, took hold of my heart and the pain seemed to fly away on angels’ wings. Only a few times before have I been so aware of His graces showering over me. I needed a showering like that yesterday. So, if you prayed for me or sent some goodness my way, I thank you with heartfelt gladness.

Somehow, running mundane errands and walking a bit through Uptown with Baby Girl (while my other little loves were happily learning and playing at their schools) was just what I needed. We spent a quiet, low-key, no-hush sort of day together and it was the perfect ailment to my hurt and the illness she’s been fighting the last few days. After the morning school drop-off, I could not go back home. I just couldn’t face housework and small reminders of loss. And, deep down, I knew that what I truly needed was a change in routine. That meant heading outdoors with my Baby Girl to breathe in the fresh, late-summer air and let the sun shine down upon our cheeks and shoulders while we listened for the birds chirping their mid-morning tunes. For a moment, I pondered going for a hike, but she was still too ill to take on much more than a small outing. Instead, she and I walked and wondered together—hand in hand–marveling at God’s beauty all around us, rejoicing in the change of pace from our typical Friday.  She was so well-behaved while I finished those few errands. So well-mannered, in fact that the extra time we had allowed us to peruse around new shops, and revisit some old favorites. We strolled along admiring so many precious things, and I have to admit, we indulged in a little retail therapy, too! (What’s a girl to do when she sees a designer bag that she’s been coveting on super-clearance sale? [For Me] Or, a stuffed animal cat donning a tutu? [Of course, for Baby Girl] I mean, a beautiful purse and a cat wearing a tutu! What can be better than that?) Some things are just meant to be had.

All shopping was done and we found our way back home. To my amazement, peace surrounded me the moment I entered inside. The sense of contentment was felt in the air, but also deep inside me. I knew the prayers were working.

Graces were abundant as I received some unexpected, thoughtful, sentimental treasures throughout the day. First, there was a gift from a best friend who, unfortunately, understands my pain because she, herself, has suffered through three miscarriages. Firstly, the cards this woman writes to me are treasure troves in and of themselves. I have saved every single one of them that she has penned to me over the years as our relationship has grown into the deep and profound friendship we now share. The card she sent for me to read yesterday is filled with words so wise and heartfelt that moved me in so many ways. Her written words are a keepsake—a reminder of love from a kindred spirit. The physical gifts she presents are equally meaningful and lovely. Yesterday’s gift was no exception. A beautiful treasure to receive, it now hangs prominently in our front entryway and will be a daily reminder of how blessed we are to have a family to cherish—a combination of loved ones both here on earth and in heaven.

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The gifts of expressive love continued as I heard a knock at my front door and found the local flower delivery person holding a beautiful white floral arrangement for me. I did not have to wonder who would send me such gorgeous flowers in the middle of the day—none only than one of my dearest, oldest, best friends. This woman—someone I have considered an honorary sister for the last 18 years—has lifted me up in prayer countless times, sends me uplifting Bible verses via text or email, and spoils me with beautiful flowers at times when I least expect such a gift. She lives 2,500 miles away, now, but there are days when it feels to me she and I are closer than ever before. She is my sister in Christ and her soft-spoken words and graceful ways have blessed me abundantly.

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My children, unknowing and innocent, went about their day as they always do. But, I noticed that I was being awarded from them extra compliments and physical affections. The Boy even exclaimed, “Mom, you are the best cook ever!” A miraculous exclamation coming from this seriously picky eater! Baby Girl needed held and rocked more than usual, was hugging and kissing me all day long. The Girl, was kind in her exchanges, helpful around the house, and even finished homework without complaint. I wasn’t going to question the meaning of it all. So, I took it in as small gifts of love and sympathy from my three little loves.

The Husband and I share in this grief, of course. But as men often do, he expresses his feelings of loss and needs for recovery much differently than I do. I tend to be outward with my emotions while he holds back. I write, he runs. Yesterday, his little ways of checking in on me, coming home with a bouquet of my favorite flowers, letting me cry as much as I need to, allowing me to have a couple of hours to myself to exercise and be alone—these are his gifts to me. For his ability to sense what I need in times of sadness, somehow knowing exactly what I need when I can’t even tell him myself, having an insider’s edge to my innermost being—these are gifts greater than any other.  God knew what He was doing in matching The Husband and I together for life. I trust that my prayers for My Husband over these grieving months have helped him come to terms with losing another child, too.

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When I wrote that love letter to my angel baby, John, I felt it was time to put into writing all that I had been holding inside. Now that I have released my thoughts, I feel lighter and more at peace than I have in the last six months. Writing truly is therapy. So are love, friendship, and prayer. Today, I am thankful for another day to love and be loved, to write, and pray.

A Friend for Always

16 Saturday Feb 2013

Posted by purdywords in Change, Friendship, Lifelong friends

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Change, Friendship

The most beautiful discovery true friends make is that they can grow separately without growing apart.  ~Elisabeth Foley

The saying “there’s no friend like an old friend” has always been true to the friendships I have made during the decades of my life. Probably my closest, most cherished friend is one whom I met in third grade. I can’t tell you exactly when or how we became friends in Mrs. Rembey’s third grade class. (Was it that our desks sat close to each other in the first row facing the green chalkboard? Did we happen to eat with each other in the cafeteria? I doubt it was playing games at recess, she being a natural athlete and myself, well, not so much.) What I can tell you about this friendship that I have enjoyed since the age of nine, is that she is a gem of a person—one worth holding onto for a lifetime.

In fourth grade, we suffered the devastating news that we would not be in the same classroom that school year. It was a tough blow, but not as difficult as the time toward the end of the year when I had to tell her that my family would be moving away from the beloved New England state where our friendship was forged and blossomed and back to either my home state of Pennsylvania or to some foreign land called “Ohio.” We made the best of it, but tears were shed. My memory recalls a desperate attempt to keep me there by asking her mom to adopt me (Hey, at least my parents would have my other three siblings to care for and love. They’d hardly miss me!) Our plight was turned down, but not without pain in her mother’s eyes coupled with an anguished smile to send us on our way. We tried and failed then, but our initial failure would be conquered by eagerness to stay in touch in the pre-Internet era with random phones calls, cards, and the occasional handwritten letter by me (not her).

Years passed us by and I grew up in a small farming community in that foreign state called Ohio. My family and I traded in living across the street from the town high school within walking distance of everything convenient for quite a different lifestyle.  It was my parents’ dual dream to own a rural home surrounded by acreage amidst a forest of beautiful trees, and a place to plant a flourishing vegetable garden and rose bushes galore. Driven by this ideal, our lives were transplanted from one universe to another, it seemed. I truly believe my mom begged my dad to buy the house I ultimately called home just because of the lilac bush that bloomed with gushing flowers of deeply purple fragrance in view from the breakfast nook tucked inside. This new country home of ours was situated across a winding, gravel road overlooking a working farm with horses, sheep, and an annoyingly prompt rooster. In the days and nights that followed this sudden move from a place I truly loved, I grew accustomed to a new, calmer lifestyle and learned to appreciate the surprisingly different landscape that I was sure I was going to hate. (There are no mountains in Ohio? No beach like the Cape?) The years ticked by and during the first nights in this strange new home, I experienced my first bouts of insomnia that have plagued me at stressful times in my life since.  It was difficult for me to relax without a little bit of noise. I had to trade listening to cars driving by at night along the New England roads I was used to as I now fell asleep to the sound of nothing except the occasional chirp of crickets. After a few months of living in rural America, I succumbed to the quiet loneliness at night and peacefully surrendered to nature at its best—during both the day and night. As my heart softened and new friendships were forged, I slowly began to forget all about New England life and the short time I spent there, but never forgot my dear friend no matter the space between us.

During our senior year of high school, I traded a spot on my high school’s annual senior class trip to WashingtonD.C. for a first trip back to my former New England home. Flying into LoganAirport, I felt exhilarated and free. Although I did not stay with my dear friend during this visit, we did spend a lot of time together and that short time was magic. Even though we grew into somewhat larger versions of our elementary school selves we learned that our differences were apparent. But differences aside, those few days together proved that hardly anything had changed between us–especially in our fondness for each other—as we caught up from our fourth grade selves to the present. During those nine years that flashed by in an instant, we found small ways to stay connected, and I believe these minor attempts definitely helped to keep our friendship real and strong. Even if we hadn’t though, I believe our lives would have crossed eventually. My trip was cut short due to the sudden death of my grandfather and my subsequent departure to Pittsburgh in order to attend the funeral and be there for my family. But the little time my friend and I shared during my short stay opened doors to a new path for us and possibilities of continuing a lifelong friendship. As we laughed in awe about how we chose the same teal green prom dress, talked about our current boyfriends, caught up on family life, shared dreams,  discussed the colleges we would attend as well as the compounding fears we held for what was awaiting us in the very near future, my friend and I solidified our lifelong friendship—because that’s exactly what we were—friends at nine, at 18, and later on as I lived a two-year tryst in Boston during our tumultuous yet exhilarating 20’s where I held my first job in publishing—we were friends then, now and forever.

Sometimes different friends come and go in our lives for a plethora of reasons, and I have made peace with that fact of life. But, some friends are friends for life. No matter our differences (and there are many) my lifelong friend and I accept and love one another for who we are, what we’ve been in the past, who we’ve become now, and even what we might be looking deep into the future. Every day I think of her. Every day I wish she could just come over after a long day of work (and in my case, parenting three children) and share a steaming pot of tea. But, I know she is living the life she is meant to live in that beloved, enchanted New England place surrounded by her family and with the love of her life.  And I— I came back to that once foreign place called Ohio to marry my soul mate and make a life of my own. But, when I think about the years ahead, I know that I have at least one true friend I can count on to share in all the joy and the pain that life provides. And, no matter the time or distance between us, we are friends for the long haul.

  • purdywords
    • 30 Days of Thanks, November 2020
    • How to Give Without Giving Yourself Away
    • Raising Awareness About Miscarriage & Pregnancy Loss

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